Ways That Kids Can Survive College

By Buddy Mills

1. Never miss a meal - you may regret it later that hour.
2. Park your car accessibly close.
3. Don't park in timed zones (2 hour, etc.) - parking overtime adds up.
4. Don't park in No Parking zones - parking tickets add up and have to be remunerated before next semester's registration.
5. Don't park in Tow Away zones - towing fees are hard to come by.
6. Take the bus.
7. A fine-point Sharpie is the most proficient thing to utilize for signing autographs.
8. A fine-point Sharpie is the most proficient thing to utilize for signing casts.
9. A fine-point Sharpie is the most proficient thing to utilize for signing "I'm a friend when you need one" cards.
10. Staplers may be employed to mend the hem on your jeans.
11. Staplers may NOT be employed to mend a torn dress or bra strap.
12. Staple removers make outstanding ice tongs for tiny ice cubes.
13. Staple removers are closely unworthy for removing heavy-responsibility staples, whether they’re in paper or your drunk roommate's eyeball.
14. The smell of the contents of a laundry bag is proportional to the height of the guest you just brought in your dorm room equated to where the bag is hanging. The shorter the guest, the higher the bag needs to hang (fumes rise).
15. The smell of the contents of a laundry bag gets worse as the contents get higher in the bag.
16. There are two number of things from which only one can be chosen to the smell of the contents of the laundry bag:
a. Wash the clothes.
b. Buy new clothes.
c. Taking the clothes home for the weekend for Mama to wash is not an option! !
17. When you have to give rise to a chart for Geography class, make it color-coded.
18. The extra expense and time of a color-coded chart are going to be well worth the venture when you see the "A" on the paper.
19. RoseArt makes the most inexpensive markers and colored pencils for making charts for Geography class.
20. Crayola markers last longer and are in all probability darker, but since they all arid out in the long run and you'll have to purchase another set next semester for the Anthropology charts, why waste the cash now?
21. Wal-Mart is the most proficient place to purchase school furnishes, towels with the University logo, and sweatshirts with the school emblem on them.
22. Prices for EVERYTHING at the college bookstore are gravely inflated to depict a net income to the Board of Regents.
23. The Board of Regents actually doesn’t care how much you expended on markers.
24. Wal-Mart was the primary store on the moon and on Mars, so there are going to be one in your college town. Find it. Patronize it. Get to acknowledge its manager.
25. Wal-Mart and Waffle House are case studies in your Marketing classes textbooks.
26. Waffle House is open 24 hours a day.
27. Waffle House coffee will hold open your eyes, fill an empty tummy that has no other cash, and warm a tired student who necessitated a place to come in out of the rain.
28. Waffle House waitresses LIKE tips.
29. Waffle House waitresses love college kids who tip.
30. Waffle House waitresses will hear with interest when you’re professor bashing - just ascertain he's not her brother before you get started berating him.
31. Waffle House waitresses will come to your graduation and look on you with pride as their "rent-a-kid" whether or not you've tipped ofttimes enough.
32. Use a corkboard, not the wall, as your bulletin board.
33. Push pins leave small holes in the wall.
34. Push pins leave small holes in your bank account when you have to recompense to have the holes filled in at the end of the semester. Staples do, too.
35. Staples are hard do away with from a bulletin board. Use push pins.
36. Push pins may not be employed to deflate your roommate's boy(or girl)friend's tires. Except when inserted into the sidewall of the tire (near the rim).
37. Taking 12 pairs of shoes to college is a bit exuberant, peculiarly since you'll wear OUT your best-loved tennis shoes, sandals, and loafers, but the others have to be transported to school and back home.
38. Dr. Scholl's makes outstanding gel inserts for worn-out best-loved tennis shoes.
39. If you portion a room/bath with various other roommates or hallmates, set the guidelines, nicely, on the primary day:
a. Don't use my ________ (insert soap, shampoo, crème rinse, deodorant, towel, washcloth, loofah, etc. as necessitated) and I'll attempt not to utilize yours but once or twice.
b. Don't fetch your girlfriend (or boyfriend) to the room without warning me primary. If you do, fetch me earplugs and eyeshades so I won't have to watch what you're doing.
c. Don't take my last pencil/pen/paper without warning me primary. If you do, I may have to utilize the back of your term paper for my class notes.
d. Keep your dirty, smelly laundry on your side of the room. My side are going to be full of my own.
e. Be nice to me. Otherwise, my overly big primate friends may trash your side of the room one night while I'm out for the night and have conveniently left the door unlocked.
f. Let me acknowledge when you're going to spend the night out so I are able to make use of your side of the room.
40. Hole punchers only work whether or not you keep them aligned.
41. Hole punchers only work whether or not you keep them emptied of the small dots they construct from punching holes in your papers.
42. Little dots from the hole-puncher hopper make outstanding confetti.
43. Little dots from the hole-puncher hopper are REALLY hard to get out of carpet.
44. The cheap, shag carpet in older rental trailers that your older college friends are renting contains a ton of small dots from the hole-puncher hopper.
45. Use the suitable size binder clip for the project.
46. Binder clips come in various sizes:
a. Teensy (contains 1 sheet of notebook paper or 2 kisses)
b. Tiny (contains 4 sheets of notebook paper or 1 folded dollar for the Waffle House waitress).
c. Small (contains 8 sheets of notebook paper or 2 quarters for a bad Waffle House tip).
d. Medium (contains 20-40 sheets of notebook paper or for attaching 1 little magazine to your roommate's pillowcase).
e. Large (contains 100 sheets of notebook paper or a split seam of a reasonably loose garment until you may get back to your dorm room; a split seam of a tight garment unquestionably requires a coat or rubbish to cover it up - repairing it’s wastefulness).
f. Excessive (contains 4 books and takes 3 individuals to press it open; whether or not you get your finger caught in its jaws of death, have human being dial 911).
47. Sticky-do's (usually denoted to as "post-it notes) come in various flavors:
a. 1.5" x 2" (Small. Worthless for anything but reminding yourself to purchase more prominent sticky-do's).
b. 3" x 3" (Medium. Don't use this size to leave notes on your roommate's pillow like "We're all out of cornflakes. FU" [quote from Felix Unger, played by Jack Lemmon, in "The Odd Couple," a GREAT movie in regards to roommates]).
c. 4" x 6" (Large. More high-priced, but in the louder colors, make outstanding backgrounds for your roommate's dull bulletin board).
48. Gem clips, whether plastic or metal, are unworthy. Unless you require to hold employed tissues together while your drunken roommate spills the beans at IHOP in regards to the frat party bash/orgy/sleepover.
49. IHOP waitresses like tips, too.
50. Academic pursuits in college are for your spare time. Pursue them sparingly.

Next: How to outlast your primary semester academically.

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